My light
by Inai-chan
Summary: With every year of his life, Akaashi Keiji's world turned darker. But even in the darkest place can be a spark of light.
1. Chapter 1

**HEY HEY HEY,guys!**

 **This is my first Haikyuu!,and in general my first fanfiction.I'm still learning english, so if there are any big grammar mistakes or something, please tell me!Well, enjoy the story!^^**

* * *

 _Sometimes, he just wants to dissapear._

 _Sometimes, he just wants to give up._

 _All the pain he has to deal with would dissapear together with him._

 _Sometimes, he just wants to **die.**_

* * *

It began at Akaashi Keiji's 12th birthday. His family wanted to take him to an amusement park. He always wanted to go there, and this morning, his father surprised him with four tickets for the park. At this moment, Keiji was really happy.

But this happiness didn't last long.

They were on their way to the park,as a drunken driver had lost control and crashed into the car, in which Keiji,his little sister and his parents were. He could only remember the car crashing into theirs, and the next thing he knew, he was in a hospital. Bandages wrapped around his whole body. Still confused, Keiji sat up and looked around. Only then he realized where he was and what state he was in. Keiji heard the sound of a door open and saw a doctor walking into the room. The man in the white coat spoke:

„How are you feeling?"

„why am I here?",Keiji asked.

„You were in a car accident with your family. Thank god you only have a few scratches and a broken arm."He smiled at the Boy. After the doctor explained

what happened, Keiji remembered. _Right_ ,he thought and looked down at his blanket. _We wanted to the amusement park and.._.He immediatly turned to the doctor with eyes wide open. His left hand grabbed one of the doctor's coat's sleeves.

„What about the others?My sister,my mother and my father,where are they?!"The doctor smiled gently at Keiji."Your mother had many dangerous injuries,but she's going to be okay."The little boy let out a sigh of relief he didn't even know he was holding in."But your sister and your father...", he spoke again. His soft smile dissapeared and his voice became cold.

 _"I'm sorry...they didn't survive."_

That was the first time when Keiji's world turned a bit darker.


	2. Chapter 2

It was only a few months after the accident.

Keiji and his mother were out of the Hospital. He was now in Middle School. Lately,he noticed that his mother behaved strange. She ate less and was often lost in her thoughts. She looked also very pale. Sometimes, he asked her if something bothered her,but she said that she was only 'tired from her job' or something like that.

What he didn't know was that his mother was fired from her job a few weeks ago.

One time, at dinner, Keiji noticed a few scars at his mother's wrists. She meant, it were only little mistakes while cooking. He didn't thought any further about it and continued eating.

One day,he again asked his mother what was wrong,but only received the same answer as ever. He decided to just let it be and went to school.

That was his mistake.

* * *

When he came home from school he saw a few cars standing in front of his house. But especially one of the cars caught his Attention.

A hearse.

Then,Keiji finally began to understand.

 _No..._

He remembered his mother's absences.

 _No._

Her pale face.

 _No._

The many scars on her wrists.

 _No._

He ran into his house.A few men were at the entrance and asked him questions,like wether he lived here and what's his Name,but Keiji completely ignored them and ran into the house. He ran into his parents' bedroom.

 _No!_

Then,his heart stopped.

In front of him were some men and behind them...lay his mother,not moving a finger.

Next to her a bottle of vodka and a box with pills. Keiji fell into his knees.A man rushed to his side and knelt beside him. With his hand,he rubbed slow circles on his back and tried to comfort the Boy. Keiji didn't react. He just knelt there and stared at his mother's motionless Body. It was the same at the funeral of his father and his little sister. He just stood there and stared at the graves.

But he didn't cry.

He never cried.

That was the second time when Keiji's world turned a bit darker.


	3. Chapter 3

_Keiji was in his garden, playing with his little sister, while his parents were sitting on the terrace watching them. Everything was fine. Keiji and his sister would laugh, having fun, and his parents wuld watch them, smiling._

 _As the ball rolled away , Keiji ran over to pick it up._

 _Suddenly, everything went black._

 _He turned around looking for his sister. No one._

 _He searched for his parents, who were sitting on the terrace. Nothing but black._

 _"Neechan...mom,dad...where are you?"_

 _Suddenly, Keiji felt somethiing wet at his feet. He looked down and saw something red. He turned around and saw the red liquid coming from three Bodys lying in front of him. Quickly, he rushed to them and began shaking one of them._

 _"Dad...dad, wake up!"_

 _No reaction._

 _"Nee-chan...mom...!"_

 _None of them moved._

 _no matter what he did, nothing happened._

 _He tried to scream, but no Sound came out._

 _He couldn't scream, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't do anything._

 _"Please... anyone ..."_

* * *

Keij woke up, breathing heavily and covered in sweat. He slowly sat up, and tried to recognize where he was.

A few days after his mother commited suicide, Keiji moved out of the City to his aunt. But most of the time, his aunt was at work and he saw her rarely. She was also often on Business trips for days, weeks or even months. And this wasn't the first time he had this nightmare. After the car accident, Keiji was already plagued with nightmares of his family's death, so he spent most nights busying himself with studying or just lying in his bed and staring at the ceiling.

Keiji began to isolate himself more and more from the world and didn't let anyone come near him. At school, he onlly talked to his classmates when necessary. He didn't laugh, cry, or Show any other emotions. Many People called him weird, scary, but Keiji didn't bother Feeling offended or something.

* * *

He didn't know why.

Why he woke up in the morning and got ready for school, when he didn't want to.

Why he went to school, when nobody really cared whether he was there or not. Why he went home, only to find an empty, dark house. He didn't know why he was even still here, nobody would care if he would just dissapear, and Keiji himself didn't completely deny the idea, too. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to just end it.

Some day, Keiji accidently cut his finger while making dinner, because his aunt was on a trip and wouldn't come back for the next few weeks or so. At first, it hurt, but as soon as the pain eased, Keiji somehow had the urge to do it again. He grabbed the knive and moved it to his forearm. He slid the blade across the flesh and created a thin line of blood. By the fourth cut, he was already beginning to feel slightly dizzy. Keiji put the knive away and went to the bathroom to take care of his wounds.

Keiji couldn't deny the Feeling he had as the blood dripped from his forearm and his finger , as drop after drop flowed out of his Body. It felt somehow...relieving.

He began to do it again. He did it once a month, every few weeks, every week, until it became almost daily Routine. When people noticed the cuts and asked about them, he just shrugged it off and said it were accidents while making dinner or something.

Keiji managed to live like that until he was 17.


End file.
